Surprise

(just some thoughts I wanted to get down)

Growing up, I've never had an easy time fitting in with the girls. I was always riding my bike around the neighborhood or putting on army camouflage and crawling through the fields with my guys friends or even just by myself... pretending. I've never been one to play with dolls or dress-up, which always really frustrated my older sister, Tami. If she could convince me to play Barbies with her, I insisted on only playing with the boy dolls while she could play with the girl dolls. There is a picture of me potty-training a doll that is still hanging in my parents hallway (along with many other family pictures) but I played with G.I. Joes and Legos far more often than any other toys.

Needless to say, I grew up a "tom-boy" and I didn't seem to care much whether that was weird or different. I've always been my-own-me and have never given much notice to what everyone else is doing. I wore painted pants and flannel through my sophomore, junior, and senior year of high school because art was way more important to me than what I looked like. It was way more convenient to wear cruddy clothes to school since most of my classes were art or theater which would require me to change clothes... and I was far to lazy to dress and re-dress. I don't wear painted pants anymore (sadly, mostly to do with me not being as active in art) but I hardly wear anything besides sweatpants and a T-shirt (I totally qualify for the show "What Not To Wear").

As a 25 year old woman, I am surprised to find myself craving to have a daughter. I have a dream of being able to have this great relationship with her and be able to talk about anything and everything. I'm surprised because while pregnant with Logan, I felt strongly that it was a boy and I told people that "God wouldn't give me a girl, I wouldn't know what to do with her!" Yet, I have this craving.

I am blessed to have some amazing women in my life that have teenage daughters and they have the most beautiful relationships with them and I can't help but desire that for myself. I have worked with Jr. High girls for quite a few years and I have loved our years together.

I have fear that if Adam and I try for another kiddo that we will have another high maintenance child and I just don't think we have the patience for another. However, I know that God would provide what is best for us regardless of what we think, but I'm also afraid that if we do have a more easy-going kid, that we would have some favoritism to this child. Normal yet pointless fears, but they do weigh heavily in our decision (of whether or not) to have another kid.

There's no rush of course, but still a big decision. :)