Kid Update

The sun was bright... :)



I am officially 7 months (28weeks) preggo (these photos were taken last weekend)! The beginning of the 3rd trimester starts! The Critter will be two and a quarter pounds (like a Chinese cabbage) and measure 14.8 inches from the top of his head to his heels. And his heels are kicking me now. :)
We have the first round of baby showers next weekend in Michigan from my side of the family. My cousin is getting married and since we're going to the wedding my Mom and sister wanted to throw me a shower.
I'm also in the process of making a kilt for Adam for the Renaissance Faire we'll be going to next weekend too. I'll try to post some more pictures. :)

Desert Song

Click here for a meaningful testimony on what it means to hear God's voice and to endure through life with joy.

Actors Annonymous

I just need to take a minute and gloat. :) I just got back from seeing Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince and I totally called an actor out (which is a bit harder for me when they're Brittish). I'm usually really good at picking out actors when I've seen them in other movies, and Professor Horace Slughorn:

Is also the actor for Harold Zidler from Moulin Rouge.

So, now you know. :)

Name the Kid

What do YOU think we should name our baby boy? (these are the 4 names we've narrowed it down to)

Josiah Wayne Carmichael- Josiah means: the Lord saves, the Lord is God
Ethan Wayne Carmichael- Ethan means: Strong, firm, impetuous, steadfast
Seth Wayne Carmichael- Seth means: Appointed
Logan Wayne Carmichael- Logan means: from the hollow

Wayne is after his papa. It's a Carmichael tradition to name a boy with the middle name Wayne. Adam has it, so it's our privilege to carry it on! :)
Wayne means: Wagon driver... for those of you who were curious.


Genesis 4:25 :)

Poor and Oppressed

The disturbing truth that people don't know they're poor until they are shown/told they are, has really perplexed me. We think we are helping by going to other countries to help build houses or dig wells, but we instead are showing them things that they don't have, which shows them their financial status. They had no idea before we got there that they are missing out on technology, working tools, shoes, clean clothes... They don't know that what they have "isn't enough". We are showing them how rich we are and what they will probably never have.
Yes, they die of unclean water because of parasites... but that's what they know so they don't expect anything different. Is it right to then show them things that then will cause them to be unhappy? However, to go there and share with them the Gospel... that seems to be something completely different. No matter how happy they are, they can't possibly know the love of God without us going and telling them. I think we just need to be more careful about what we bring there: cameras, bags of clothes, books other than the Bible, shoes, luxuries, etc.
Maybe, like Paul, we should go to these places and desire to change them with our lives and the News we have to share with them, and not the crap we bring with us. As good intentioned as it may be (wanting to take video to bring back to share their story with our churches), are we possibly going about it the wrong way. Go and let God change lives through our hearts and not worry about "capturing" pictures to bring back to our homes. Bring back stories and passion to want to help these people instead.
I honestly can't wrap my brain around these thoughts... Do you have anything to add?


Deuteronomy 15:4-5:
⁴ However, there should be no poor among you, for in the land the LORD your God is giving you to possess as your inheritance, he will richly bless you, ⁵ if only you fully obey the LORD your God and are careful to follow all these commands I am giving you today.

The Kingdom

"It helps, now and then, to step back and take the long view. The Kingdom is not only beyond our efforts, it is beyond our vision." David Blok

I really liked this. One of my best friend's husband said this and it hit a spot.

Psalm 145:13

Decapitated Holly

For Jenna and all you other peeps out there...


Week 10
Week 16

Week 20! I'm finally showing and have gained 3 pounds (finally). I should be gaining a pound a week from now on.
"Your baby weighs about 10 1/2 ounces now. He's also around 6 1/2 inches long from head to bottom and about 10 inches from head to heel (BANANA)!!!"
We find out the gender on Thursday... to which this will then be updated again. :)

Chosen by God

This is the message I listened to today, given by Matt Carter from Austin Stone Community Church in Austin, Texas on 1 Corinthians 1:22-24. It's number 9 on the list: "God's Choice, Our Calling".
This is/can be a hard message to hear. But we need to submit to the God of the Bible and this is what He is telling us. I tried to follow closely so these notes are mostly Carter's word on this text in the Bible.

1 Corinthians 1:18; 22-24

¹⁸For the word of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.

We can know by this, that when we tell others about the Cross and Christ's sacrifice that the person we are talking to is either perishing, or being saved. It is their response to this message that shows us their heart and if it is with God or without.
Why are some people perishing and some being saved? God has called them and that is why some responded.

²²For indeed Jews ask for signs and Greeks search for wisdom;

²³but we preach Christ crucified, to Jews a stumbling block and to Gentiles foolishness,

²⁴but to those who are the called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God.

Something important that Matt articulated about this message:

"That when we come into contact with things that we don't understand; that we don't like. In that moment we need to realize and we need to come to terms with the fact, that we cannot worship a God of our own creation. We cannot worship a God of our own creation. We cannot worship God based on our feelings. We cannot worship God based on who we feel He should be. We can't worship God based on who we think He ought to be or that He should behave how we want Him to behave. If we do that, then we are idol worshipers. Do you understand me? If we have somehow decided 'God, no you have to fit in my box that I've created.' That is idol worship. We have to come to a place as a church and individuals, that church, we worship the God of this book (the Bible). And sometimes the God of this book is not gonna fit in our box. Sometimes the God of this book that we read and we study and it's right there on the page, is not gonna be behaving like we feel He ought to behave. But it's right there. And church, when that happens, like it happened to me this week. Then I want you to understand that in that moment, it's appropriate to trust, and it's appropriate to submit, and it's appropriate to rest our minds and to rest our hearts in His sovereignty and in His love for us."

²²For indeed Jews ask for signs and Greeks search for wisdom;

²³but we preach Christ crucified, to Jews a stumbling block and to Gentiles foolishness,

²⁴but to those who are the called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God.

The calling of God is always effectual. This is different from me calling you. When God calls a persons heart, it will always produce what it requests. When God calls, it happens. We see that in the beginning of time, when God calls there is a response-before the Earth, before the Heavens, when there was nothing, when there was only a void, when God spoke into the darkness saying, "Let there be light".
And Paul, in these verses in Corinthians, explains that that is how we were saved by God. By Him, choosing us. That is how we heard the message... He spoke into the nothingness of our soul and called.

Proof behind this:

Romans 8:28-30

²⁸And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

²⁹For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren;

³⁰and these whom He predestined, He also called; and these whom He called, He also justified; and these whom He justified, He also glorified.

and...

John 1:12-13

¹²But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, even to those who believe in His name,

¹³who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God.

You were not saved because you were born into the right family, or by the will of the flesh or man... BUT OF GOD. You believed in God, because of God.

and...

Ephesians 2:8-9:

⁸For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God;

⁹not as a result of works, so that no one may boast.

Get your eyes off of man, it is through Christ's power that we are saved. God did it all. He foreknew you, predestined you, and called you by name and you heard the message of the Cross and because you were of the called you couldn't help but respond. When you heard it the message of the Cross was the greatest thing you ever heard and that produced in you the power of God and that produced in you faith, and you spoke His name and thus you were saved. That is why you are saved.

When Job questions God, (when God allows Satan to have his way with Job in torturing him) God responds in 2 chapters. Job 38-39
Here's a glimpse:

¹Then the LORD answered Job out of the whirlwind and said,
²"Who is this that darkens counsel
By words without knowledge?
³"Now gird up your loins like a man,
And I will ask you, and you instruct Me!
⁴"Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?
Tell Me, if you have understanding,
⁵Who set its measurements? Since you know.
Or who stretched the line on it?
⁶"On what were its bases sunk?
Or who laid its cornerstone,
⁷When the morning stars sang together
And all the sons of God shouted for joy?
⁸"Or who enclosed the sea with doors
When, bursting forth, it went out from the womb;
⁹When I made a cloud its garment
And thick darkness its swaddling band,
¹⁰And I placed boundaries on it
And set a bolt and doors,
¹¹And I said, 'Thus far you shall come, but no farther;
And here shall your proud waves stop'?

So then God questions Job and he sees clearly, the right response...

Job 40

¹Then the LORD said to Job,
²"Will the faultfinder contend with the Almighty?
Let him who reproves God answer it."

³Then Job answered the LORD and said,
⁴"Behold, I am insignificant; what can I reply to You?
I lay my hand on my mouth.
⁵"Once I have spoken, and I will not answer;
Even twice, and I will add nothing more."

18 weeks

Size of a bell pepper, 5.5 inches long, 7 ounces... I've gained 2 inches. Not sure on weight, but I think I'm gaining weight now. I've been eating several small meals a day and the morning sickness has almost completely subsided. So now I'm just working on staying energized and taking naps when I can is always helpful. We find out in 2 weeks what the gender of Baby Carmichael is... Either way it will be a surprise: either a surprise that I was right or a surprise that I was wrong. I still think it's a boy. :) We shall see soon!

Why don't I "feel" my faith?

"You can either define life by feeling and life itself or you can start defining life by first facing up to death. Not the death physically, but the death of your own self-centeredness.
Unless you're willing to be crucified with Him, you'll never understand what it is to live above emotions, however legitimate they may be. But the day will come where there is joy forevermore and the tear is wiped away. 'Til then, feelings much conform to reality always seeing through the eyes of our Lord as He was on the cross who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despised the shame, and is now seated at the right hand of God the Father.
Why don't you feel your faith? Ask yourself if you've been to Calvery and crucified yourself. That life then lives within you as God Himself reigns within your heart."

Ravi Zacarius


Baby update:

At 15 weeks. Baby is the size an apple, in length being 4 inches long. Baby can now squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his thumb!
I'm still not feeling well and needing to endure the morning sickness, but I have my couple of good days every now and then. I've lost a lot of weight, so eating more and more often is a soon set goal. Thankfully, I trust that this child's life (as well as my own) is in God's hands and I know He knows best for what the baby needs... beyond a physician. I'll do my best to do what I can, beyond that, the trust lies where it should.

2 Samuel 7:28-29

PROJECTS

Re-roofing with family and friends...

This is Adam and Adam. Carmichael and Terpstra.

Left to right: Jason (my sister Tami's boyfriend), my brother Aaron, my Dad, and Tami.

Mother-in-law Cindy and Tami. Working hard or hardly working? Just kidding... there's always time for goofing around! :)

Jason, rockin' it out broom style!
Faithfully working hard, our friend Robert.Here's some landscaping Cindy and I did in the front of the house.
I don't remember all the plants names on hand, one's a something, something Cherry bush and the flowering plant in the front is Columbine. I love those, they look like a flower in a flower.Carmichael's working hard on our new path from the front of the house to the back patio. It was either through the garage or the grass before. Cindy's design.3/4 of the way done, with the solar lights as a final touch. Lots of hostas on the side.
And THIS... is my project. I started a garden from seeds indoors to start. Lots of veggies: 3 different kinds of tomatoes, green beans (the really tall ones), lettuce, cucumbers, some herbs, I plan to plant sweet corn and watermelon when I transplant these to the garden too. Oh, and I have redskin potatoes to plant.
So, needless to say, the Carmichael house has been busy with projects. 3 new roommates starting tomorrow (Terpstra has been moved in for just over 2 weeks now, which has been great). Full house certainly comes to mind. :)


Revelation 4:8

Picture Time

These were taken when I was 10 weeks 3 days along... I am currently 11 weeks 2 days along. I'm starting to feel a bit better as I'm moving closer to my second trimester, but the heartburn is starting to kick in. I'm sure that will only get worse and I continue to inflate. :)
The technician said that the baby looks perfect and that down syndrome has already been ruled out (of course we'd take what we can get but that's a nice blessing). Currently the kid is the size of a fig; 1.5 inches long.
That's about all I got right now... so yeah.
Peace!

Kumquat

Based on my doctor visit today, we heard the heartbeat when we didn't expect to so the doc assessed that I'm at 10 weeks, not 8 weeks. I have an ultrasound next Monday to find out for sure.
Can I just say, hearing the heartbeat was the kewlest thing I've ever heard? Especially because we weren't expecting it. The doc said to not be worried about not hearing it... she almost didn't do the heart test. I'm glad she did.
We love the doctor (Adam came with... glad he did so he could hear the baby he fathered (that's what the RN called him)). She's funny and blunt. We get along great. :)

This is what we're looking at:


"Your baby, now barely the size of a kumquat, weighs less than a quarter of an ounce. (Length: a little over 1 inch, head to bottom.)"
http://www.babycenter.com/slideshow-baby-size

Psalm 139:13

Purity and Driscoll

My new favorite quote on interpreting the Bible by Mark Driscoll talking about purity goes something like:

If the man you are dating, claims to interpret the Bible and the result is you being naked... you might want to rethink things.

2 Corinthians 6:3-10

Offerings

2 Samuel 24:24:
"But the king (David) replied to Araunah, "No, I insist on paying you for it. I WILL NOT SACRIFICE TO THE LORD MY GOD BURNT OFFERINGS THAT COST ME NOTHING."

Wow. I think is speaks for itself, huh?

Matthew 18

Matthew 18:1-5:

The Greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven

¹At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, "Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?"

²He called a little child and had him stand among them. ³And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. ⁴Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

⁵"And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me.

When I think of these verses I am so very humbled. I know these verses well, yet I'm sure that I don't completely grasp all that Jesus was saying here.

Going a bit deeper with Henry M. Morris:

Like Little Children- "One does not receive salvation by bargaining or arguing, although the prior clearing of obstacles to faith is helpful and often necessary. ...we are saved through faith-unconditional faith-like the unquestioning trust of a little child."

Unquestioning... I love that. But it also comes with the security of the one they are trusting. If a person has given a child no reason to not trust them and they know them, then a child will trust blindly. So, by knowing God and what He's done and sacrificed (through His Son), we should believe without hesitation.
The world tells us otherwise though doesn't it? It tells us to be independent, do-it-yourselfers, and take pride in your work. Those things are all conflicting with what Jesus teaches. So how do we fight against the world yet be in it? How are we "ordinary radicals" in our faith?

Scantily clad

I still don't understand why this makes sense. Can you help me to understand this better?

New Nintendo Wii game:



This is what most Samurai warriors wear. Fully clothed because the swords that they use can cut a human in half with one swipe.
Thoughts?

Made my day...

My brother Adam and his son Shawn (what a ham)

Shawn and sister Jenny

Seriously.... look at Shawn's face. Isn't that hilarious???

The Right Direction

2 Corinthians 2-4 is really something I needed to read tonight. I needed to remember that "my" ministry will never be "MY" ministry. Even though I know that, to really hear it from God is something a bit different.
Listen to how The Message puts it (2 Corinthians 3:1-4):

"Does it sound like we're patting ourselves on the back, insisting on our credentials, asserting our authority? Well, we're not. Neither do we need letters of endorsement, either to you or from you. You yourselves are all the endorsement we need. Your very lives are a letter that anyone can read by just looking at you. Christ himself wrote it—not with ink, but with God's living Spirit; not chiseled into stone, but carved into human lives—and we publish it."

No matter what part of ministry I serve in, I'm authorized BY GOD to do it (as long as it's part of His moral/providential will). And just before these verses it says in 2 Cor. 2:16-17:

"This is a terrific responsibility. Is anyone competent to take it on? No— but at least we don't take God's Word, water it down, and then take it to the streets to sell it cheap. We stand in Christ's presence when we speak; God looks us in the face. We get what we say straight from God and say it as honestly as we can."

I love this. I am completely useless without God and His perfection... His Son dying on the cross is the only thing that makes the cut. By me accepting Him, I not only find favor in God's eyes, but I'm allowed to be in His presence and worship Him for His glory! What an honor!!!
The ministries that I'm part of are only a very small portion to the Kingdom of God, but it's what He's commissioned me (us) to do. To serve and to tell others about Him. He could have written it in the sky, or made Himself known in other ways, but He has CHOSEN us to tell others. What a responsibility indeed.
So, in this, when hard times come... what am I to do? 2 Cor. 4 says:

^1-2"Since God has so generously let us in on what he is doing, we're not about to throw up our hands and walk off the job just because we run into occasional hard times. We refuse to wear masks and play games. We don't maneuver and manipulate behind the scenes. And we don't twist God's Word to suit ourselves. Rather, we keep everything we do and say out in the open, the whole truth on display, so that those who want to can see and judge for themselves in the presence of God.

^3-4If our Message is obscure to anyone, it's not because we're holding back in any way. No, it's because these other people are looking or going the wrong way and refuse to give it serious attention. All they have eyes for is the fashionable god of darkness. They think he can give them what they want, and that they won't have to bother believing a Truth they can't see. They're stone-blind to the dayspring brightness of the Message that shines with Christ, who gives us the best picture of God we'll ever get.

^5-6Remember, our Message is not about ourselves; we're proclaiming Jesus Christ, the Master. All we are is messengers, errand runners from Jesus for you. It started when God said, "Light up the darkness!" and our lives filled up with light as we saw and understood God in the face of Christ, all bright and beautiful.

^7-12If you only look at us, you might well miss the brightness. We carry this precious Message around in the unadorned clay pots of our ordinary lives. That's to prevent anyone from confusing God's incomparable power with us. As it is, there's not much chance of that. You know for yourselves that we're not much to look at. We've been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we're not demoralized; we're not sure what to do, but we know that God knows what to do; we've been spiritually terrorized, but God hasn't left our side; we've been thrown down, but we haven't broken. What they did to Jesus, they do to us—trial and torture, mockery and murder; what Jesus did among them, he does in us—he lives! Our lives are at constant risk for Jesus' sake, which makes Jesus' life all the more evident in us. While we're going through the worst, you're getting in on the best!

^13-15We're not keeping this quiet, not on your life. Just like the psalmist who wrote, "I believed it, so I said it," we say what we believe. And what we believe is that the One who raised up the Master Jesus will just as certainly raise us up with you, alive. Every detail works to your advantage and to God's glory: more and more grace, more and more people, more and more praise!

^16-18So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever."

I think that I'm going to be studying this for awhile. :) Who am I? God's. That's all that matters in the end.

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2%20Corinthians%202-4;&version=65;

In a Band

To Do This-1 - Go to "wikipedia." Hit “random”or click http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:RandomThe first random wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.
2 - Go to "Random quotations"or click http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3The last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.
3 - Go to flickr and click on “explore the last seven days”or click http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7daysThird picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.
4 - Use photoshop or similar to put it all together.

Here's Mine:

Mass Chaos

This has been an incredibly busy and bookend-to-bookend week/weekend-Sunday to Sunday. I wish that I had the energy to write a real blog, but this meaningless (not that my week or the things in it were, but the way in which it's just thrown on a blog) list of my week will need to suffice. I have been at church every day this week and have played my guitar every day this week (my fingertips hate me for it). I only had to work 2 days (thanks again to my friend Jes for getting me out of a tight spot in that regard). Here's the vomitus mass:
I helped with worship last Sunday in church in the worship center, Monday I worked on music with Kristen for the Women's Conference this past weekend. Tuesday I had work and then chapel music rehearsal, Wednesday K and I finalized the WC music then Small Group. Thursday I got the 24 hour flu (the works) and then WC music rehearsal with 6 beautiful and forgiving/gracious women. Friday I had a rehearsal with Betsy and Molly for the Friday night WC for college students and then proceded to worship with those women and listen to Jen Hatmaker. Adam and I couldn't sleep so we were up watching Lost until 3:30am-I still couldn't sleep so after reading I finally got to sleep between 4:30 and 5am. Saturday I was at church all day from 7:30am-2pm ish, I ran from there to Target to buy some kakhis and then off to work from 3-10:30pm, from there I stay with K and we were up until 1am talking. Sunday I was off to help with the 9:30am chapel service (rehearsal at 8am), Crossroads, Taco Bell, and HOME for a 3 hour nap, then to close the evening I helped babysit 2-3 year olds for moms and dads at Parkview for a couple hours. They were so sweet. :)
That was the surface level of all that happened... depth will need to come at another time. For now, good night and sleep well.

Humility

“Arrogance can have no place in Christianity.”
“Our brokenness is more of an advocate for Christianity than the most eloquent of words.”
“Humility is hard: it’s like if you go for it, you won’t get it.”
(borrowed from Dan Scott's blog)

After the second quote, I almost feel silly writing now... :)

I struggle with deciphering between my pride and my confidence. I am very confident in who I am and who God has made me to be and I think that others may perceive that as arrogance but I don't intend it to be that way. I don't know how to portray confidence in a pure way-being above reproach. Is there such a way?
I wonder about my words and whether they come out as pious to those that don't know me well... or to my horror, to even those who do know me well.
There was a time in my life where I was overly confident to piousness, arrogance, pride, and worst of all I was oppressive to others in my opinions. So, because I have been there and was called out on it by more than one person (for which I am abundantly grateful for), I am very sensitive to never wanting to go down that road or another like it again. I'm not sure how I am being perceived in this, but I know how my heart has changed to more genuine and pure intentions.

How do I boast in Christ instead of attempting to steal His glory? How do I boast in only my weaknesses and not become an emotional martyr? Am I meek... truly teachable in all things?

Psalm 12

Crazy weekend

So, Adam, Kristen, and I went to Michigan for the weekend and it was packed full of events. Friday: drive to MI, stay with Smith's (my parents)

Saturday: Breakfast made by my sister, Guitar Center so Kristen could buy a guitar, Lunch at Yesterdog (the best hotdog place in the world, dinner at Carmichael's, party at The Black Rose at 9pm ish. The Black Rose is an Irish Pub downtown Grand Rapids-Adam's favorite Irish band was playing that night.

Sunday: Church at 10:30-1, lunch with Smith's, Superbowl party at Amanda, Sarah, and Stephanie's at 5pm. Hang out with my fam. for the second half of the game... GO STEELERS!

Monday: Lunch at Marie Catrib's which is our favorite Meditteranian restaurant that we had our wedding family reception at, leave for Detroit at 2:30pm, meet my cousin Nikki for dinner in Greektown at PizzaPapalis Chicago Pizza, game @ 7pm, stay the night at Salladay's (my old roomate) overnight.

Tuesday: leave to go back home to Iowa!

Here's some party favors... :)

I've decided...

I've decided that seeking one's own heart is a really stinkin' hard thing to do.

I confuse myself with my own thoughts and just when I think that I've figured out my own opinion or feelings, they suddenly change. I have to admit that being a woman is sometimes really annoying.
I wish that I could go into scripture and find out opinions/feelings of who I am and what my true motives are. That would make things so much easier wouldn't it? Instead, all I can really do, is tell God the things that I am hearing/believing and ask Him to tell me if they are true or not. If I dare... I'll ask it. Because when I do, I need to be ready for His answer...

Would you dare???

Philippians 1:19
"...for I know that through your prayers and the help given by the Spirit of Jesus Christ, what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance."

Joy, joy, joy, joy...

I can't even begin to express my joy for the season of life that I'm in and that I get to share that same season with my best girl friend. We are both in the same place of grieving, it's just for different things: mine is the recent loss of the little one, and her's is an emotional/spiritual death. In order for there to be room in her heart for the growth of life, death needs to come first... death to self, death to the old ways.
So, we are both so overcome with joy because our Creator is loving us so intimately through this... He is pursuing us to the depths of our beings. His timing for these things never cease to amaze me and at times leave me sitting on the floor.

I lay prostrate at Your feet, unwilling to be anywhere else.

Praise be to GOD!

Genesis 3:20-21

The Big "BUT..."

It's been a roller coaster month, let me tell you...
December 22nd, Adam and I found out that I was pregnant! BUT Sunday of this week, I started bleeding and by Wednesday I had miscarried. I spent 5 hours in the ER (with Adam of course) for tests, exams, and to get re-hydrated. It was a very long day. Thankfully I had small group time in the evening so I could share what had happened and talk about it right away.

I am ok. Really. At least for right now. I don't think it'll be too hard later, but I really can't know what is to come. So I am really just holding onto the truths that I know in the Bible... Those things are keeping me quite strong.
I cried really hard yesterday morning when it happened (I don't think that Adam has ever seen me cry that hard) after the doctor told me that I needed to go to the ER to make sure I didn't lose too much blood or that there weren't any complications. At that point I had lost it because it became real that I had lost the baby and that I needed to make a next step that I wasn't ready to make. I pretty much forced myself to go to the ER immediately so my stubbornness or justifications wouldn't settle in. I'm glad I did. I miscarried close to 8:30am and by 11am I was making jokes, laughing, and doing the best I could to be me again.
I just want things to go back to "normal" as quickly as possible. I don't want to stuff it or push it away... I'd just like to deal with it once rather than time and time and time again. Some days, of course, will be harder than others and I expect that.

I take confidence in the truth that God is good and even God can turn what is evil into good and I know that however feeble my understanding can be, I know He is strong in my weakness. What better time to share His love with others eh?
I'm not embarrassed or ashamed to talk about it... it just makes it harder to move on. I know y'all understand that. Death is death no matter the form and it takes grieving regardless of the circumstances.
I take hope in God and that nothing can separate us. Like I said, He is good.

So, all in all. I think I'm ok. I'm not an overly emotional person to begin with, so I dealt with it the only way I really know how. I can actually go back and pin-point the stages of grief over that short period of time. No, I don't think that I'm done dealing with this... but I firmly choose to see this as a joyful thing. God is already doing so much with my heart in this. I am so blessed by His mercy and grace. No doubt. In the very least, I am incredibly amazed by his mercy in allowing this to happen while I was only a month pregnant rather than farther along.

Adam was very much exhausted yesterday and quite emotionally "spent". But today he says that he's doing a lot better because I'm doing better. He doesn't like to see me hurting--what a good husband. :)

Thank you so much for all of your love and concern. Your prayers are SO appreciated.

Please feel free to ask questions. I am more than willing to answer them.

Love and peace to you...