Nearsightedness can be good

I don't know if anyone even reads this/follows this, but I hope that there are a few that make it worth the late night babbling.

I've decided that I need to be more nearsighted. That is an ironic statement because I am very nearsighted as far as eyesight goes, but as far as life goals... I have none, really. I know that as often as I help others to become more moment-to-moment kind of people, I also know how much I need to be reminded of that too (OFTEN). I miss the precious times when I could be rolling on the floor with Logan because I'm checking Facebook or trying to look up a book on Amazon.com. Ugh. For shame.

I know that it comes to lack of interest, creativity, lots of exhaustion (about so many things right now), boredom, blahblahblah... It comes down to excuses. I've been better the past few days and I want to keep striving for that daily goal. So what if I'm tired, I'll be tired for the next ten years, so I need to get things together and start doing rather than complaining (mostly in my heart, but certainly not all).

I've decided to get over it. This is obviously a logical decision because my emotional decision would leave me still sitting on the couch. I'm also going to start exercising again because I know that my lack of energy has a lot to do with being so out of shape and not getting enough sleep (those two snowball each other).

Did you need this reminder? Do you need to be more nearsighted so life will be better in the long run?

The Power of Fear

Are you paralyzed with fear? That’s a good sign. Fear is good. Like self-doubt, fear is an indicator. Fear tells us what we have to do.
Remember our rule of thumb: The more scared we are of a work or calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it.

- The War of Art, Steven Pressfield

Things my son loves...

A new love for "Go, Diego, Go!"

Serious love for Pedialyte and juice.

FROGS!

His spoon or things that make noise when his hits with it. Things like his toothbrush, slide-whistle, his hand on your face... you know. :)

Of course he loves his Mommy. :)

But the thing Logan loves, above everything else in the world, is....

His pacifier.

There is serious love there. :)

Strength and Happiness

Strength isn't what we think it is... Strength is not pushing people away so you don't hurt anyone or let yourself get hurt or by being "tough". Independence doesn't mean that you don't need people in your life. I believe that true happiness comes from being truly vulnerable and being loved all the same. I suppose it's rare to find such people with enough grace to love you just the same, but that's why Jesus is so important. He has so much grace that no matter what we do He'll keep loving us. When people here on Earth love, give grace, and acceptance with no strings attached, with unfaltering love, they are being like Jesus and thus bringing a piece of Heaven here to Earth.

With grace, you can't pick and choose who gets it, because then none of us would get it. We are all undeserving. Who are we to say that some people deserve our prayers and some don't? Because we all make mistakes in this world otherwise none of us would need prayers at all. This world is a broken place; let's not add to the brokenness.

Love. Really love. And look to Jesus for an example.

"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!”

Galatians 2:20-21

Starting to let go by holding on...

Surrender. Oooooo.... lots to that word.

Ok, so this whole surrender thing comes with honesty and humility. I struggle with honesty in being something that I can be too honest at times. When people ask how I am, I can't lie, I tend to lay it out there and I can tell by people's shifty eyes that they would just wish for me to say "fine, how about you?". They want me to get the intro over with so they can ask me a question about why I'm in Grand Rapids again or how my son is doing, but not too many people really care about the deeper level stuff... which is where I camp. I'm all about honesty and being real with people because time is short and we need to walk life with people that are living their lives and not living lies. I don't want to be the person that projects an "I'm ok all the time" attitude, not just because it would be a lie, but because I can't live up to that kind of pressure. I'm not ok all the time, actually, often I feel miserable on the inside and I'm trying to talk myself into a good reason to get out of bed. Oh right, I'm a Mom, and if I want my child to stop crying, I need to get up but more than that; a deeper reason that drives me.

The other big "h" word, humility. So, have you ever been in that place where someone compliments you on a gift you have, may it be music, or wisdom, or whatever, and you give the glory to God in the moment, yet you secretly take a little glory for yourself? Yeah, that's me. I am a secret glory stealer and I've decided that I don't like it. I've decided that If I really want to be here and serving God with all my heart, I need to let Him be my strength and be my words or talents so I have nothing to claim for myself. In short, I currently suck at humility but have decided that I'm going to quit feeling guilty for it and just change it. Period.

The biggest realization that I had today was how much I've let fear cripple me my whole life. I never really finished my degree because I thought I couldn't do it, because I thought I'd never use it to be able to pay off the loans, because I thought a thousand lies and have believed most of them. I don't believe that my words are good enough to advise people or to have good enough ears to hear peoples troubles. Guess what? I'm not supposed to. I'm supposed to let God be my words and ears and I have decided that I don't want to be a captive of my fear because Satan is winning if I do that (or don't do that).

So, I choose to let it all go and hold on, by trusting that God will fill the gaps and be what I can't be. I can't keep my life on hold because I've made myself believe lies when God is more than willing to work with what little I have in qualifications so that He can make up the rest. His glory will shine through if I surrender. I need to do what I think I can't do, so He can be the one that is being honored. I've settled for less because it's comfortable and I should know better than that. But in all honesty, I have also put my dreams on hold because of my husband's dreams and I thought that we couldn't pursue both our dreams at the same time (another lie, by the way).

Next steps... I'm going to go back to school, finish my degree, and help people by letting God use me in the capacity that He has most evidently made me for. I will not hold back because of fear; fear cripples me so that I can't do what God wants me to and I refuse to do it any longer. I stand firm on God's promises by/with His strength and will start to listen more closely for His direction.

Anyone else with me???

Bittersweet and Lies

I'm reading "Bittersweet" right now by Shauna Niequist and I have to admit that it is stirring my heart. I think the Holy Spirit has been trying to tell me something about the fear and lies in my life. Urg. I know He's trying to tell me something because my heart is kinda fighting, making excuses, and being somewhat defensive.

The message I heard yesterday from the preacher at church was talking about knowing the truth in the Bible and holding onto it to combat the lies in our lives. He also talked about how we should have more faith like Mary, saying "May it be to me as you have said" (Luke 1:38).

On top of these things I feel like I'm doing good things by spending time with friends and family here and taking care of Logan, but I don't feel like we're doing what we're supposed to be doing. We're not doing the best that we could be doing. I also feel like our previous church situation has shaken us deep to our core and we're afraid to get wet again. Joining church families are messy because it's family. It's not work, it's not a business, it's ministry and working with family, not co-workers or business partners. So, when you get laid off or fired by family or even quit working with family, it aches in a different part of the heart. There needs to be a time of grieving and mourning, but there also needs to be a time where you get back in the water and begin to swim again.

I know that Adam needs time to heal before we jump into another ministry together, but I'm the one that wants the plan of attack and to get back in before we let fear overrun us. I don't want our own demons to hold us back from things that could be better for us if we would just open our hands to where God is leading us. Or even open ourselves up to have Him show us what He's trying to teach us!

I don't want to be praying to God that He would change things from what they are, or that I need Him to rescue us from this place where we're at... I want Him to restore us and to be available to learn what blessings He's giving us while we're in "the valley". I don't want to miss out on this important time where God is showing us that He wants us to want Him and to rely on ONLY Him.

He took away Adam's job, the best friend I've ever known (in proximity, not by death), a lot of our stuff was stolen from our storage unit, our house finally sold but for 15k less than we needed it to, Adam's current job is only getting us by on poverty level and just enough to pay for our car loan and not for much else. I see this as a series of unfortunate events, but I also see it as God clearly trying to show Himself to us. I see that He wants us to lean on Him and to trust in His divine plan that He only wants the best for us and He wants to proper us and not harm us, and that everything is for His glory no matter what happens in this life.

I want to be a testimony, a witness to others that even though we are obviously struggling, we're not struggling against God but instead trusting Him and what He's doing in our lives. If He sees fit to strip us of things in our lives like He did Job (minus all the deaths), there is something He is teaching us and we need to open our eyes to see it. There are millions of people that are struggling due the economy changes but I don't want it to pull me under, I need to see hope and the good in what is happening.

And the days where I'm stuck at home and I don't feel like I'm contributing to the world because we only have one car and we have our beautiful son in our lives, (he complicates things in our lives right now but I wouldn't change a thing) I still need this truth and hope more than ever. I need to keep moving forward rather than letting the lies and fear paralyze me because that's exactly what Satan wants of us. If we stop moving, then we aren't stopping him from completing evil tasks. I want to be productive, so I put my foot down to the depression that has overtaken America. I choose to let God be strong in me and for me to submit to His leading.

That's where I stand. That's what God's teaching me right now...

Philippians 4:13

I can live without...

Grace is Sufficient

(Inspired by a conversation with Nikki Salladay) Is His grace sufficient? How often do we judge others or refuse to forgive because we've deemed it unforgivable? If there's repentance and a change of life, then how can we not forgive? I don't want to live my life in such a way where when I meet people and discover their past skeletons to then see them as their faults rather than who they are today. Our past makes us who we are now, doesn't it? And isn't it true that through the Bible, God tends to use evil-doers to do His work sometimes because those that claim to do His work, don't?

Mark chapter 2 verses 15-17:

^{15While Jesus was having dinner at Levi's house, many tax collectors and "sinners" were eating with him and his disciples, for there were many who followed him. 16When the teachers of the law who were Pharisees saw him eating with the "sinners" and tax collectors, they asked his disciples: "Why does he eat with tax collectors and 'sinners'?"17}On hearing this, Jesus said to them, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."

I know non-believers that love more deeply than believers... That makes my stomach sick. I know I've done it before and will likely do it again... which makes me even sicker. Seriously, we need to forgive not only each other, but also ourselves. I know that I struggle with letting go of my own failures to the point where I carry it around with me when I should give it over to Him.

It's usually the little things; "oh I shouldn't have said that", "why did I give that look, it made it seem like I meant something (else) by it", "why didn't I say something when I needed to", etc. Carrying our own failures is exhausting and completely unnecessary and we're telling God that He's not big enough to handle it.

His grace covers it all, no matter what we've done He will forgive if we repent. We can't earn it. We can't manipulate Him. There is no such thing as karma. He is in control and He has a plan and a way for us all. All for HIS glory.

Beauty from Pain

"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline."
2 Timothy 1:7

I needed that reminder today.

It's been awhile since I've written because I haven't felt like I had anything important to say. I have to admit that, though, I am busy taking care of Logan, I have felt a bit useless lately. I have been pining after getting a job to help us get out of this rut and for me to have a chance to help outside the house. I keep feeling a 'no' from God. Not a 'wait' but a 'no'.

We have been praying for financial help, and God's bizarre answer was for us to get our storage unit broken into. We need the money more than the stuff right now. It's very humbling to have your possessions taken, but it's all just stuff. Our prayers to sell the house have been answered by an offer and we have decided to go with a short sale due to our circumstances. So, if we sell the house, the only debt we'll have is our Pontiac Vibe. It's almost like God wants us to have a fresh start... It's painful, but I appreciate it.

We need to finish healing from all that happened in Iowa. The experience was great and we made some dear friends there, but we want to let things go completely and it's hard to do that when we still have our house. The couple that is looking into buying our house is wanting to move things along fast because of their current housing situation, so that's fantastic! We are just praying that Hills Bank will accept their offer and that we won't owe the bank much if anything.

We're hangin' in there... We're pushing through... And hopefully, we're making the best of things.

Zephaniah

^{Zephaniah 3:11-12, 17-20}

¹¹ On that day you will not be put to shame
for all the wrongs you have done to me,
because I will remove from this city
those who rejoice in their pride.
Never again will you be haughty
on my holy hill.

¹² But I will leave within you
the meek and humble,
who trust in the name of the LORD.

...

¹⁷ The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing."

¹⁸ "The sorrows for the appointed feasts
I will remove from you;
they are a burden and a reproach to you.^{c]" style="line-height: 0.5em; ">}

¹⁹ At that time I will deal
with all who oppressed you;
I will rescue the lame
and gather those who have been scattered.
I will give them praise and honor
in every land where they were put to shame.

²⁰ At that time I will gather you;
at that time I will bring you home.
I will give you honor and praise
among all the peoples of the earth
when I restore your fortunes ^{d]" style="line-height: 0.5em; ">}
before your very eyes,"
says the LORD.

"Haughty on my holy hill... I will leave within you the meek and the humble... He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing... I will rescue the lame... I will give them praise and honor... I will bring you home... I restore your fortunes before your eyes."

We need to be taught the language of humility. There is a profound difference between humility and insecurity. To be purely humble and meek is not to be walked over by other people or being a push-over... that's not the idea. Meekness is a lot like submission, there are a lot of people that see it as weakness and passivity, where in reality it is strength. It's kinda like being the bigger person in a situation; you're the one that won't argue back or throw a punch but instead you walk away.

These verses and bits that I pulled from the verses bring me delight in seeing how much God cares and is so involved in our lives. He loves us so much... our cup really needs to overflow to others and share this love. We should have an excitement for it like we do for other things, like: finding a new favorite restaurant, or new electronic gadget.
Satan wins when we become complacent and we begin to compromise; we oughtn't let him consume us. We have God on our side!

What this season can bring

I had something to blog about yesterday... and now I can't remember what it was. Oh well; fresh start.

The holiday buzz seems to be hitting pretty early this year. Stores are open for Halloween and the Christmas decor and gifts are creeping out as well. It seems like the frenzy of the holidays creates a lot of stress and now they're introducing it earlier. Ha! Kinda contradicting with the whole purpose of the season, huh?

There seems to be a few weddings going on this fall too which add to the festivities and seems to make things a bit more interesting. Weddings, birthdays, holidays, people moving... it's a never ending list!

So how is it that during this chaotic time of year we can continue to meet with God in our prayers, alone time, devotions, Bible reading, serving others, going to church, being the church, etc.? I don't think it's possible for it to be easy. Or how is it that we can serve our "home church" but not our family members or friends? We hear that people are struggling across the world and we are willing to raise money to go on mission's trips to Florida or California, but not help our neighbor or sister minutes away.... It's not right, it hurts to hear. We think that it's too complicated with people we know and it's easier to serve those that we don't know... well of course it IS! Relationships complicate things. We make excuses or come up with ideas that "they don't deserve my grace". HOW SELFISH!!!!

Let's get beyond our prejudice and come to realize that Christ saved us ALL with HIS grace and we ALL don't/didn't deserve it. We need to get over ourselves and start living how we've been, not called, but commanded to live. Share his love to all that don't know Him and give His grace to all we touch.

That's all I have to say about that.

The end.

by Jonathan Acuff

...Kids are like that. They are fountains of fun, constantly bubbling out ideas and questions and quotes that are hilarious. But sometimes, they punch you in the stomach. Sometimes they throw curveballs you don’t see coming and that’s exactly what my 7-year-old L.E. did two days ago.

I was putting her to bed, at 6:45PM, which is probably my only gold medal parenting move. They get up at 6:45AM so they need the sleep, but we were out late one night at 8:15PM and one of my kids said in wonder, “Look at all these people out so late, why are they still awake?”

We had finished reading a book and I was about to turn off the light when she sat up and said, “Dad, I have a question for you. What have you noticed is my talent?”

Maybe that doesn’t sound that big to you, but what I heard was a little different. In her simple question I heard, “Dad, you know me best. You and mom are the people I trust most. Please define me. Please tell me why I’m special and what I’m good at. Please tell me who I am.”

That’s what I heard, but the crazy thing about her question is that we adults still ask it. Today, across the planet, people like me and people like you are going to walk out their front doors and ask people they see, “Who am I?”

At jobs, we’ll ask our bosses and coworkers to define us.

At school, we’ll ask our teachers and classmates to tell us we’re special.

At home, we’ll ask our spouses or boyfriends and girlfriends to tell us we matter.

In a thousand ways today, like a seven year old who is moldable and curious and undefined, we will seek out friends and strangers, bosses and spouses and ask them who we are.

And the sad thing is, the answers will fail us.

They won’t satisfy, they never do. That beat, beat, beat of our inquisitive heart will not be stilled by their words. That hurt, hurt, hurt of our heads will not be numbed by our accomplishments. That hope, hope, hope of our souls will not be quenched by this world.

And so we’ll ask someone else, we’ll seek it somewhere else, we’ll sit up in beds and classrooms and cubicles and say, “What have you noticed is my talent?”

But let me save you the time, let me save you the trouble of digging through the mud for an answer that will ultimately prove hollow. For although I might not know you, for although we might never meet, I do know the God who knows you, and he is not quiet about who you are. Actually, he won’t stop talking about who you are.

You are the reason he rises in the morning. (Isaiah 30:18)

You are the one he quiets with love. (Zephaniah 3:17)

You are the one he longs for. Not just likes but longs for. (Isaiah 30:18)

You are a child of God. (John 1:12)

You are an heir to the throne. (Galatians 4:7)

You are his workmanship. (Ephesians 2:10)

Today, the world and the people in it will try to tell you who are. That’s just how this planet spins, but that’s not an open question. That’s already been determined. Whether you’re a mom in Australia or a student in Ohio, a teacher in London, or a surfer in California, I already know who you are.

You are the only part of creation God breathed to life. (Genesis 2:7)

And that’s enough.

by Jonathan Acuff

http://stuffchristianslike.net/2010/09/the-question-we-all-ask/

The somewhat, bottom of the barrel

I know that my circumstances aren't as bad as other people's and that considering it all, I have it really good, but things are pretty grim. Not being able to sell our house and not being able to pay this month's mortgage payment is the lowest we've ever been financially. We're a couple grand in the hole for credit cards and we still owe on our car. On top of all that, today we had a lot of our stuff stolen. I don't want to give specifics at this point, but the cops were called, so was our insurance company, and we've itemized multiple thousands stolen including many irreplaceable things.

Thankfully it's all just stuff and it doesn't really matter to us (to be honest), but it certainly leaves us feeling victimized and as though we don't have a whole lot. I really hope that the people who took our stuff needed it or the money for food or something. I pray that they will be able to make it better off now that they have it.

But now I can't sleep. I keep thinking about the items stolen and whether we forgot something on the list. I keep wondering if they are going to get more of our stuff and I also keep thinking... "What's next? Are we being tested? What other things are coming our way?" I'm not normally pessimistic, and I don't really feel like I am now, but a part of me keeps wondering if things are going to get worse.

Lord, you seem to think I can handle a lot... so if it's for Your glory, then let it be. I trust You.

Bigger than me

I'm tired. I miss having a strong drive and passion for volunteering somewhere, doing music with sweet people, and being part of something far bigger than myself. There needs to be a change here and I'm not sure what that looks like.

Adam and I don't have a church (location/building) we call home and it doesn't seem like we have much time with having the little guy. I have to admit that having a high maintenance child has been hard. I wish he could just play on his own and not be scared of everything... but he's my sensitive boy and there isn't much about it. However, I feel like I'm wasting time. Being a mom is my role in life right now, but what about everything and everybody else? I want to do more and be part of more... but I also think that God is telling me to take a "break".

There must be more prayer over this... but I don't want to just huddle and do nothing. I need to give myself some credit I suppose, parenting is a lot of something. A lot of hard something.

I choose to take joy in today and what God has provided. Thank you Lord.

Decisions

I really love people and counseling. Psychology is kinda my life, it's part of me; I live and breathe it. I've noticed that it is a grace from God that have been given to me and I worry about furthering my education in it for a couple big reasons. The first is not so big, but I am concerned that schooling will put me in a category of needing to provide people with high expectations. Because of my degree, people will expect me to know more than I think I can retain and the fear of being wrong and hurting people by being wrong makes me concerned. However knowing that the schooling and not the degree will help me to know more and thus help me to help others. Kinda a stupid worry, but none the less.

The other is a faith-based concern and it may sound like an excuse (to not get the degree) but I don't mean it to be (cuz I really would like to go back to school). I am under the impression that God has called/commissioned me to counsel others (not in a psychiatry or diagnostics psychologist, just someone who helps people get their thoughts straight). I believe that He has already given me this gift and I fear that schooling may "ruin/taint" God's glory by me being more educated by a school. I believe that He calls the weak and uneducated to do mighty things, and those mighty things stand out for His glory more than when we can claim "that we can do it on our own". I don't want to do it on my own. I like how God does it through me. I don't want to mess with that.

So what do I do? Be Moses or Paul? Solomon is a great example of God's glory shining through by the gift that was given. Of course, the 700 wives and 300 concubines with their gods turned his heart away from God in the end, but I think you know what I mean. I've heard from several people that going to a "Christian" college made missions or spreading the Gospel harder because it became over-thought rather than natural.

*But there is the bias that "no educated man can be a Christian" and I'd like to be able to speak to educated people with some form of authority. If I don't get my education, then I won't be able to be paid for the counseling that I provide. I suppose that's one of the biggest questions... Do I want to get paid for the counseling that I provide or do I want it to be a life thing that is who I am regardless of paycheck?

Crap. I keep coming back to that and I honestly can't answer it.

*http://www.bibletruths.net/Archives/BTAR170.htm

If you need a good laugh...

For whatever reason, Logan thought that what I was saying was hilarious. He was so funny that I was laughing so hard that I was crying. :D

Covenant Life Church

At Chris and Megan Walker's church they had their sister church from Honduras visiting and they let the music and worship time. It was one of the most simple, yet beautiful worship times that I've been part of during a Sunday service. Even though I don't speak anymore than ten words of Spanish, the fact that they gave one line of Spanish and then the translation beneath it, allowed for there to be no language barrier. It was such a wonderful glimpse of what Heaven will be like; "O for a 'hundred' tongues to sing". :)

I have an abundance of mixed emotions as I contemplate what happened yesterday. Yesterday feels like four days ago by now and the amount of past struggles with church God unearthed, I could almost write a book (but I'll stick with a blog instead). It makes sense for God to address the struggles now rather than letting the pain get more embedded in my personality like one bad potato in a barrel of a hundred. I am very grateful for His grace in wanting to heal the pain that has occurred in the last 3 years and also for my surprising openness to the Holy Spirit's biddings. I say openness, however, I must admit that it felt thrust upon me but in no way do I regret this.

I have a lot on my emotional/spiritual plate and I hope that I will have the time and heart to focus on dealing with a lot of it. I feel so wounded. I'm needing to re-break bones so they will heal properly and that is obviously painful. I know that my pain makes healing essential for me to grow and move past the hurt. The hurt is my own and only God knows the depths of it and how to mend me. Each person has their own debilitating wounds and no one else can understand completely, but He has given us people who do understand some of what we are going through. I praise Him for His full understanding and for the grace of having others to share it with, walk life with, and cry with.

All to His glory...

Psalm 63:3

"Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you."

Brook Fraser

"Shadowfeet"

Walking, stumbling on these shadowfeet
toward home,a land that I've never seen
I am changing: less and less asleep
made of different stuff than when i began
and I have sensed it all along
fast approaching is the day

[CHORUS]
when the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
when the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
when time and space are through
I'll be found in you

Theres distraction buzzing in my head
saying in the shadows it's easier to stay
but I've heard rumours of true reality
whispers of a well-lit way

You make all things new

"Desert Song"

Verse 1:
This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides

Verse 2:
And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

Chorus:
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

Verse 3:
And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

Bridge:
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

Verse 4:
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be empited again
The seed I've recieved I will sow

Breath of Life, pt 2

This is a very old video; back when they weren't called Shane & Shane yet. This is on the Psalms cd and Rocks Won't Cry (under Shane Barnard). This is one of my favorite songs that they've ever written and thought that I'd pass it on. It's best to listen while reading the lyrics (below video) cuz it's kinda hard to understand Shane Barnard.

This is called "Breath of God":

A life you cannot define
A purpose that's benign
They need to see and believe
Be lead to the rugged tree

The one on which He cried
Not for His pain but for our debt
The very same tree that He conquered death
It was an unfair deal on the part of Christ
He got my sin I got eternal life

Make me the breath of God
And I'll show them the One
That means the most to me
They'll see the face of love
Be touched by the very One
That died upon the tree

Oh, Make me the breath of God
And I'll show them the One
That means the most to me
They'll see the face of love
Be touched by the very One
That died upon the tree

Small talk is a better choice..
A way to avoid Your voice
I need to feel the dust on my knees
And lead them to the tree

The one on which He cried
Not for His pain but for our debt
The very same tree that He conquered death
It was an unfair deal on the part of Christ
He got my sin I got eternal life

Make me the breath of God
And I'll show them the One
That means the most to me
They'll see the face of love
Be touched by the very One
That died upon the tree

Oh, Make me the breath of God
And I'll show them the One
That means the most to me
They'll see the face of love
Be touched by the very One
That died upon the tree

Will you follow me?
Lead them to the tree?
Can't you just believe?
Will you take a knee?
For eternity?
For eternity?

Make me the breath of God
And I'll show them the One
That means the most to me
They'll see the face of love
Be touched by the very One
That died upon the tree

Oh, Make me the breath of God
And I'll show them the One
That means the most to me
They'll see the face of love
Be touched by the very One
That died upon the tree

Oh, I'll be the breath of God

Trust

"All I have seen teaches me to trust the creator for all I have not seen." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Trust is a funny thing. Though I may feel like I trust God with the unknown, it's more of a default choosing rather than an intentional choice. It's a default because I know that my human nature would want to know and control, but since I can't, I'm sorta forced to trust; which isn't really trusting at all. It's an "I surrender" with my hands in the air, but not on my knees.

I should work on that. I'll add it to the list of 100+ other things I need to work on. :P

French Press

This morning has been relaxing. I'm getting near the end of listening to HP and the DH but I already want to read it again even though I'm not finished with it. I've had two cups of coffee from my newly claimed French press and I've found that it keeps me more energized than the slow brew coffee. I also bought caramel macchiato from International Delight which makes for a splendid cup. Baby boy is trying to nap right now which is the perfect time to blog, write letters, clean, catch up on things.

It's been a hard few months with our financial situation; it's hard to tell if we should short-sale our house, foreclose, or stick with the Realtor. This month is the best opportunity to sell the house in Iowa City and we don't get an offer soon, I'm afraid that we will have to destroy our credit for a few years by dropping the Realtor and going with one of the other bad options. With me not being able to transfer my Best Buy job to MI and Adam making less than half of what he used to make... it's just not possible for us to afford the house that we're not even living in. It feels like such a huge waste of money owning it.

I'm very grateful for Adam's parents who have taken us in and I really love living here; I just don't like feeling like I'm in the way all the time and wishing that I could be helping more but I don't know where that line is. Two hens in one house has proven to be interesting; not bad, just hard to know when to help and when to back off. Also, we are both used to a bit more privacy, being able to have our homes to ourselves and not having to visit with family 24/7. I try to get out of the house from time to time to give them a break from us (and the kid), but it's hard doing that having only one vehicle. At least Adam's on first shift now... that helps. I miss having him here in the morning though, but it's great having him home by 3:30pm.

We are holding onto God and His blessings. We have to trust that He knows what He's doing, but the problem is that I don't really trust myself in knowing what I'm doing. I just have to pray that He'll lead and direct us and hope that my in-laws are blessed with everlasting patience. :) I love them deeply and hope that this living arrangement won't hinder our relationship.

"The wise man comes to God without saying a word and stands in awe of Him." Francis Chan, Crazy Love

A Fantastic Day

Today started with a 4:30am wake-up by baby boy because he wanted a bottle and then again at 8am. Since it was raining, he went back down to sleep around 9:30am so I got a wonderful 2 hour rest. I laid in bed and listened to Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows... it was very relaxing; just the break I felt like I needed.

After that nice nap, Logan awoke SUPER happy and smiley. He's been teething the past two days and he hasn't been in the best of moods. For him to wake up so happy was a pleasant surprise and he was incredibly sweet the rest of the day.

Adam got off work early today and home around noon, so we ran some errands and had lunch at Taco Bell. We bought a bunch of veggies so I could make homemade baby food for the kid. Working out the math, I ended up making .32 cents per 6oz. jar; a savings of about $6! Not much, but the peace of mind is in knowing exactly what is in the food.

That's all for now!

Breath of Life

John 20:21-22

²¹So Jesus said to them again, “Peace be with you; as the Father has sent Me, I also send you.”

²²And when He had said this, He breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit.

This looks very familiar to me…

Genesis 2:7

⁷Then the LORD God formed man of dust from the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being.

Wow… I never noticed the parallel before. Thank you God. Oh how your Spirit is life giving… thank you for the gift

Fantastic Graphic Designer

Hunger

Don't Get Drawn In

Eternal Scream

http://www.toxel.com/inspiration/2009/04/28/photo-manipulations-by-josh-sommers/

Discipline

So, I was just reading an article about disciplining children and how to show discipline and positive reinforcement at a young age. I found something that pointed to Jesus that I wanted to share.

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A 2006 study backs up this idea: Researchers at the Max Planck Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology discovered that toddlers as young as 18 months already have full-fledged qualities of altruism and cooperation.

The way they demonstrated this was simple. A researcher would "struggle" to hang up a towel with a clothespin or stack up a pile of books. When he dropped the clothespin or tipped the books over, the toddlers would race to pick up the clothespin and hand it back, or restack the books. But when the researcher made the same mistakes without struggling — that is, without looking like he needed help — the toddlers didn't budge. They understood what it meant to be helpful.

Get your child involved in daily tasks around the house so she learns that everybody works together. "I recommend that parents find things their children can do, whether it's washing vegetables, feeding the dog, or sorting laundry," Kvols says. "You're teaching your child to be helpful, which is one of the most important life skills. We've found time and again that the people who are most mentally healthy are those who've learned to be of service to others."

Breath of Life

John 20:21-22

²¹So Jesus said to them again, "Peace be with you; as the Father has sent Me, I also send you."

²²And when He had said this, He breathed on them and said to them, "Receive the Holy Spirit.

This looks very familiar to me...

Genesis 2:7

⁷Then the LORD God formed man of dust from the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being.

Wow... I never noticed the parallel before. Thank you God. Oh how your Spirit is life giving... thank you for the gift.

Washing Feet

In John, chapter 13, just as Jesus is preparing to be betrayed by Judas and die for us in the most shameful, gruesome way… He washes the feet of the disciples. The thing that surprises me most, is not His servanthood nearing the hour of his sacrifice, but what He tells the disciples.

¹³“You call Me Teacher and Lord; and you are right, for so I am.

¹⁴“If I then, the Lord and the Teacher, washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet.

¹⁵“For I gave you an example that you also should do as I did to you.

(Emphasis mine)

I almost expect Him to say that they should actually be washing His feet because He is the Lord and the Teacher, but He doesn’t. He wants them to learn to serve each other. And remember, these disciples, are teenagers… maybe in their early twenties, not old men as we picture them.

And then he gives them a new commandment:

³⁴“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another.

³⁵“By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”

Not just that you love one another, but also how. He says to love like He loves. We should then look like our Rabi and have dust on us because we follow Him so closely.

August?

Ok. So, it's been since August that I've written. Hmm... so what to say?

Things have been a whirlwind since August. Having this sweet little boy has changed me as it changes all women who have a child. God has been teaching me a lot about how patient and loving I really can be and how I should be that way to people I don't know just as much to those I do know. I'm super selfish and live in my own little kingdom, but I don't want to be that way. I want to chose something higher, something outside myself, Someone who has saved me and continues to do so on a daily basis.
As I lay here and hold Logan I realize that life will never be the same as it was, and I wouldn't want it to be the same.