In a Band

To Do This-1 - Go to "wikipedia." Hit “random”or click http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:RandomThe first random wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.
2 - Go to "Random quotations"or click http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3The last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.
3 - Go to flickr and click on “explore the last seven days”or click http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7daysThird picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.
4 - Use photoshop or similar to put it all together.

Here's Mine:

Mass Chaos

This has been an incredibly busy and bookend-to-bookend week/weekend-Sunday to Sunday. I wish that I had the energy to write a real blog, but this meaningless (not that my week or the things in it were, but the way in which it's just thrown on a blog) list of my week will need to suffice. I have been at church every day this week and have played my guitar every day this week (my fingertips hate me for it). I only had to work 2 days (thanks again to my friend Jes for getting me out of a tight spot in that regard). Here's the vomitus mass:
I helped with worship last Sunday in church in the worship center, Monday I worked on music with Kristen for the Women's Conference this past weekend. Tuesday I had work and then chapel music rehearsal, Wednesday K and I finalized the WC music then Small Group. Thursday I got the 24 hour flu (the works) and then WC music rehearsal with 6 beautiful and forgiving/gracious women. Friday I had a rehearsal with Betsy and Molly for the Friday night WC for college students and then proceded to worship with those women and listen to Jen Hatmaker. Adam and I couldn't sleep so we were up watching Lost until 3:30am-I still couldn't sleep so after reading I finally got to sleep between 4:30 and 5am. Saturday I was at church all day from 7:30am-2pm ish, I ran from there to Target to buy some kakhis and then off to work from 3-10:30pm, from there I stay with K and we were up until 1am talking. Sunday I was off to help with the 9:30am chapel service (rehearsal at 8am), Crossroads, Taco Bell, and HOME for a 3 hour nap, then to close the evening I helped babysit 2-3 year olds for moms and dads at Parkview for a couple hours. They were so sweet. :)
That was the surface level of all that happened... depth will need to come at another time. For now, good night and sleep well.

Humility

“Arrogance can have no place in Christianity.”
“Our brokenness is more of an advocate for Christianity than the most eloquent of words.”
“Humility is hard: it’s like if you go for it, you won’t get it.”
(borrowed from Dan Scott's blog)

After the second quote, I almost feel silly writing now... :)

I struggle with deciphering between my pride and my confidence. I am very confident in who I am and who God has made me to be and I think that others may perceive that as arrogance but I don't intend it to be that way. I don't know how to portray confidence in a pure way-being above reproach. Is there such a way?
I wonder about my words and whether they come out as pious to those that don't know me well... or to my horror, to even those who do know me well.
There was a time in my life where I was overly confident to piousness, arrogance, pride, and worst of all I was oppressive to others in my opinions. So, because I have been there and was called out on it by more than one person (for which I am abundantly grateful for), I am very sensitive to never wanting to go down that road or another like it again. I'm not sure how I am being perceived in this, but I know how my heart has changed to more genuine and pure intentions.

How do I boast in Christ instead of attempting to steal His glory? How do I boast in only my weaknesses and not become an emotional martyr? Am I meek... truly teachable in all things?

Psalm 12

Crazy weekend

So, Adam, Kristen, and I went to Michigan for the weekend and it was packed full of events. Friday: drive to MI, stay with Smith's (my parents)

Saturday: Breakfast made by my sister, Guitar Center so Kristen could buy a guitar, Lunch at Yesterdog (the best hotdog place in the world, dinner at Carmichael's, party at The Black Rose at 9pm ish. The Black Rose is an Irish Pub downtown Grand Rapids-Adam's favorite Irish band was playing that night.

Sunday: Church at 10:30-1, lunch with Smith's, Superbowl party at Amanda, Sarah, and Stephanie's at 5pm. Hang out with my fam. for the second half of the game... GO STEELERS!

Monday: Lunch at Marie Catrib's which is our favorite Meditteranian restaurant that we had our wedding family reception at, leave for Detroit at 2:30pm, meet my cousin Nikki for dinner in Greektown at PizzaPapalis Chicago Pizza, game @ 7pm, stay the night at Salladay's (my old roomate) overnight.

Tuesday: leave to go back home to Iowa!

Here's some party favors... :)

I've decided...

I've decided that seeking one's own heart is a really stinkin' hard thing to do.

I confuse myself with my own thoughts and just when I think that I've figured out my own opinion or feelings, they suddenly change. I have to admit that being a woman is sometimes really annoying.
I wish that I could go into scripture and find out opinions/feelings of who I am and what my true motives are. That would make things so much easier wouldn't it? Instead, all I can really do, is tell God the things that I am hearing/believing and ask Him to tell me if they are true or not. If I dare... I'll ask it. Because when I do, I need to be ready for His answer...

Would you dare???

Philippians 1:19
"...for I know that through your prayers and the help given by the Spirit of Jesus Christ, what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance."

Joy, joy, joy, joy...

I can't even begin to express my joy for the season of life that I'm in and that I get to share that same season with my best girl friend. We are both in the same place of grieving, it's just for different things: mine is the recent loss of the little one, and her's is an emotional/spiritual death. In order for there to be room in her heart for the growth of life, death needs to come first... death to self, death to the old ways.
So, we are both so overcome with joy because our Creator is loving us so intimately through this... He is pursuing us to the depths of our beings. His timing for these things never cease to amaze me and at times leave me sitting on the floor.

I lay prostrate at Your feet, unwilling to be anywhere else.

Praise be to GOD!

Genesis 3:20-21

The Big "BUT..."

It's been a roller coaster month, let me tell you...
December 22nd, Adam and I found out that I was pregnant! BUT Sunday of this week, I started bleeding and by Wednesday I had miscarried. I spent 5 hours in the ER (with Adam of course) for tests, exams, and to get re-hydrated. It was a very long day. Thankfully I had small group time in the evening so I could share what had happened and talk about it right away.

I am ok. Really. At least for right now. I don't think it'll be too hard later, but I really can't know what is to come. So I am really just holding onto the truths that I know in the Bible... Those things are keeping me quite strong.
I cried really hard yesterday morning when it happened (I don't think that Adam has ever seen me cry that hard) after the doctor told me that I needed to go to the ER to make sure I didn't lose too much blood or that there weren't any complications. At that point I had lost it because it became real that I had lost the baby and that I needed to make a next step that I wasn't ready to make. I pretty much forced myself to go to the ER immediately so my stubbornness or justifications wouldn't settle in. I'm glad I did. I miscarried close to 8:30am and by 11am I was making jokes, laughing, and doing the best I could to be me again.
I just want things to go back to "normal" as quickly as possible. I don't want to stuff it or push it away... I'd just like to deal with it once rather than time and time and time again. Some days, of course, will be harder than others and I expect that.

I take confidence in the truth that God is good and even God can turn what is evil into good and I know that however feeble my understanding can be, I know He is strong in my weakness. What better time to share His love with others eh?
I'm not embarrassed or ashamed to talk about it... it just makes it harder to move on. I know y'all understand that. Death is death no matter the form and it takes grieving regardless of the circumstances.
I take hope in God and that nothing can separate us. Like I said, He is good.

So, all in all. I think I'm ok. I'm not an overly emotional person to begin with, so I dealt with it the only way I really know how. I can actually go back and pin-point the stages of grief over that short period of time. No, I don't think that I'm done dealing with this... but I firmly choose to see this as a joyful thing. God is already doing so much with my heart in this. I am so blessed by His mercy and grace. No doubt. In the very least, I am incredibly amazed by his mercy in allowing this to happen while I was only a month pregnant rather than farther along.

Adam was very much exhausted yesterday and quite emotionally "spent". But today he says that he's doing a lot better because I'm doing better. He doesn't like to see me hurting--what a good husband. :)

Thank you so much for all of your love and concern. Your prayers are SO appreciated.

Please feel free to ask questions. I am more than willing to answer them.

Love and peace to you...