Tonight is the night I continue this song. This song of a journey that begins with me on my knees and my face to the ground. I submit that I know very little and that my story is nothing compared to that of the story of Christ's.
So, the question being... how does His story shine through me from my day to day meanderings?
I often feel like the little kid who cannot maintain her balance and trips over every little blade of grass that she happens upon. Thus, cracking her teeth on the sidewalk that she didn't even know she was on or near. In translation: I am a screwup.
Thankfully, there is such thing as grace and forgiveness from a God who has paid it all. Thankfully, I am not running this long endurance needing race alone.
I cannot think of anything in particular as to why I am feeling this way right now... nothing drastically pressing on my mind screaming "failure!"... yet I still feel like one. Little failings of not saying what I meant to say, or saying far more than I should have, or not living the day to the fullest.
So, I sit. Waiting to push my pride aside... of course in a state of utter procrastination, to go to God with open arms and tears streaming down my face. Because I am fearful of the change that I don't know if I'm ready for. Change that is beyond my grasp... so instead of moving I become stagnant. Thinking about the woulda coulda's when they won't do me much good of any kind. Dwelling on silly stupid things is a great distraction, placed by the evil one. Does he have nothing better to do than pick on me? I suppose I should be taking it as a compliment that I'd be worth the time distracting.
Oh, how often I hold myself back when God is sitting there waiting for me to climb into His lap with His warm arms wrapping around me, whispering... "I'm here. What is it my beloved daughter? Why are you crying?"
I want to choose change...
I need to choose change...
1 Corinthians 10:13
Psalm 27:4
Philippians 3:13-14
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